Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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