He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
