either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
