Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
