i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
