If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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