she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
just found out that she named her cat after me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
