I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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