So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
