So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
