Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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