I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
