Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
