my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
