Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A bitchslap is in order.
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