Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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