I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
