I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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