Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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