The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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