no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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