You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
