You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
