garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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