"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
