At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
