I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
