worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
