I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize