So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
