and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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