You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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