haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize