She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
