Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
