If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
