Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
