It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
