i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
