look no pants
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize