bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
