so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My balls are so social today.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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