True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize