someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
