I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
