I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
