I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
