I love black thongs
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
