She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize