Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
