hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
