I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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