New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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