Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
