put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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