im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
