So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
