There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
