hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
