Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
