Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
