You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize