I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
