the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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