you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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