You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
