walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
