he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
