i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
