When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize