i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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