how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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