Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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