We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
