help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
