K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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