Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
4 words: hood of his car
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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