Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
