i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
