i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Semen is not good for contacts.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
