there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
