I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I understand Curling. That high.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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