so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize