how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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