So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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