I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
