I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
