He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
