Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
