remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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