so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize